When I think back to when my friends and I were teenagers,
we were always seeking validation from each other by dressing a certain way that the others
approved of, taking part in different activities or groups at school that were accepted
as being “cool”, and so on. In terms of our scholarly learning, we all did very
well in high school and, although I never thought of it this way before, the
need to be recognized and accepted by our peers motivated us to keep up our
grades so we’d continue to “fit in” with our peer group since that group formed
so much of our identity. Huh.
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| Everyone wants to know, "Where do I fit in?" |
Following high school, “the thing to do” was to go on to
university and obtain a bachelor’s degree in something we were interested in.
For one friend and I, that was a Bachelor of Commerce degree at Saint Mary’s
University (SMU). Although I had considered going to Memorial University of
Newfoundland (MUN), my friend convinced me that Halifax was the place for us
and a four-year program (as opposed to the five-year program at MUN) would be a
better option. So we lived together during our Undergraduate years and she
molded many of my experiences at SMU, including working for the Students’
Association for three years (she prompted me to apply for a job with her when I
just didn’t feel like it), and what my course schedule looked like for my first
two years (we planned our schedules so we could be in classes together).
Although I was a young adult learner at the time, it was much easier to decide
to skip a class here and there if I had a friend who wanted to skip it with me.
But this dynamic also benefitted my learning, since she helped me study for
exams in the courses I lacked skills in and I helped her through the
assignments and material in the classes she wasn’t as proficient in. As we
learned through reading Wenger’s Communities
of Practice: Learning, Meaning, and Identity (as
listed on Chapters.ca), we are all part of numerous communities of practice
in our lives in which we learn from, add value to, and contribute to. This
friend was a big part of my identity as a member of the Saint Mary’s University
community of practice since we had many mutual friends, classmates, and
co-workers. Without a doubt, my identity formation and learning during my
Undergraduate degree would have been different if we hadn’t gone to university
together.
Jump ahead to current day and I’m still very close with the
group of friends I mentioned above, along with some great friends I’ve made
along the way in Halifax. However, life continues to change for everyone and
the majority of my girlfriends are now married, some with children. Talk about
a shift in identity and being able to relate to each other! As soon as my friends became engaged or
pregnant, they started to become involved in new communities of practice and
social groups based on their new life events. They learned many new things
about the exciting life events they were experiencing, none of which I could
relate to. Initially, when the wedding and baby boom started I felt somewhat
overwhelmed just being on the outskirts, taking it all in. In hindsight, I can
see how I was likely feeling beset, since the dynamics of the group were
changing and I wasn’t sure where my place was anymore – My identity in a group
I had been a part of for so long was threatened. Now, however, I’ve become proficient in
all-things weddings and babies, not because I have experienced those things
myself, but because I have learned so much from being with my friends as they
go through them. Much of the group conversation now trends towards house
purchasing, wedding planning, pregnancy, and babies. So, as a learner in my
major social groups, I’m becoming well informed (and prepared?) by my friends
passing along what they consider culturally important information on how to
improve these processes or tasks in the future. As we know from Tomasello (as
listed on Chapters.ca), this is an important part of human cultural transmission.
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| Here I am with the girls I grew up with on Canada Day in 2006. Since then, we've added four (soon-to-be five) husbands and two (soon-to-be six) children to our community of practice. |
By reading about the impact social groups have on identity
formation and internalizing it from my own life’s perspective, I have a much
greater appreciation of where others may be coming from in a scholarly, social,
or workplace setting. It’s
helpful to know that everyone we encounter has many different factors that
impact their identity and in turn influences their behavior, a very important factor
being the social groups they are a part of.


Margaret, I really enjoyed your blog entry and I can totally relate to some of the things you mentioned. For example, feeling overwhelmed and on the outskirts with your girlfriends with regards to weddings, house buying and babies! My girlfriends and I have been friends for 11 years now and I went through the same sorts of feelings a couple years ago. I don’t own a home, I got married but I walked up my “kitchen” to my dining room to Bob Marley and it was just my husband and I, so I couldn’t relate to planning a wedding etc. and I’m not sure I’m ever going to have children (more likely not). When my first two friends (one is actually my sister-in-law) first got pregnant (their firsts were 3 weeks apart), I went through some adjustments. I thought that our community of practice was going to become different and that I would lose something that we had. But once the babies came, I realized how much joy they bring to my friends and to me! A couple more friends are starting to jump on the life plan chain of marriage, house and kids (or will be) and I am happy our CoP is expanding. I realized that it is okay if my plans are different, and I do not necessarily have to follow the “norm”, which has made me feel closer to my friends, even though we may be going through different times in our lives and want different things.
ReplyDeleteMargaret, I can relate to some of the things you mentioned in your blog! For instance, when you talked about dressing certain ways that was accepted and validated by your social group, I did the same thing. When I was younger, my friends and I would dress in similar styles and sometimes to the extent of wearing the same clothes but in different colours. Like you, I also had the experience of registering for the same courses with a close friend. We would even compromise, and I would take a course that I had little interest in but it was high on my friend's wish list, and vice versa. It was fun sitting together in class, studying and working on assignments as a union. My friend unfortunately did not complete her undergraduate degree due to other life pressures. It was like the change you talked about when your friends started getting married and having children, the identity of our friendship was being threatened by change. I don't mean that we stopped being friends, but rather that I struggled with the idea that we were going to be doing different things and not involved with the same social situations. I enjoyed sharing school with her and having that immediate validation!
ReplyDeleteHi Margaret,
ReplyDeleteYou wrote real and interesting points in your blog, for me being with a group gives me a lot of experiences and new information. I remember myself when I was in high school; I had six girl friends who were my best friends in that time. I have gained and learned a lot of experiences from them because they were from different areas in Saudi Arabia. Each of us had different accent and different culture so, that helped me to become aware of different things. Even though that I was teenager, I was thinking and decided as older because that experience gave me the confidence. Also, when I came to Canada I have faced a lot of different things which are different from my country as language, cultures and the religion. Being with a Canadian group really helped me and gave me a lot of beneficial things. I enjoyed your blog.
Thanks Margaret